I AM FUCKING SCREAMING BECAUSE THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE BEST THING EVER
You have your mother’s cheek bones
godDAMMIT NOW WE’RE SHIPPING CUTLERY
TUMBLR YOU NEED TO S T O P
I hope this post comes back to me when it has a short story attached.
The Utensils were a happy family, just like any other. Fork was a loving, caring father, who worked at a bank, and Spoon was his beautiful wife, who owned a small business that allowed her to spend a lot of time with their son, Spork. Every day, when Fork came home from work, he gently clinked against the rim of Spoon’s face and asked how her day had been. She would go on and on about how her Aunt Bowl was letting anyone fill her up these days, and telling him he would never guess who they got a phone call from today (it was his brother, Knife), and he would just lean back against the china cabinet, staring at his wife’s beautiful reflective surface, and know everything was right in the world.
One day, however, everything was suddenly not right in the world at all.
Fork woke up in the silverware drawer and instantly knew something was wrong. He looked over to where Spoon normally slept, confused when he saw nothing but empty space. Or, at least, he thought it was empty. It took him a minute to see the small note left there. Oh no. God, no, he thought.
He picked up the note with shaking prongs, and read amid tears:
I’m sorry to leave you like this, but I just couldn’t face seeing you. It’s too painful. I’m not strong enough to tell you this to your face, and I know that makes me a coward. I know that makes me a horrible utensil. But I can’t do this anymore.
Do you remember Cow’s party the other night? The night she was so drunk she swore she jumped over the moon? Well, I met someone that night. His name is Dish. And we’re running away together.
Please, don’t try and find us. Dish makes me happy. He doesn’t spend all day staring at me, looking at himself in my reflection.
Fork collapsed to the ground, wishing he could tell Spoon that the reason he loved staring at her reflective surface so much, was because of the way her surface magnified everything around her, making it seem so much greater and more beautiful than people could see themselves as normally. Her personality did the same thing. It’s what he loved most about her. And what he would miss most of all.
I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS FUCKING SITE.
sweet jesus i’m crying over cutlery
things like this make me happy i have a tumblr
JOHN DIES AT THE END - BOOK GIVEAWAY
Basically, this is the low down: I got the hard-cover edition of this book to match the sequel, and now I have an extra copy. And since I love this book a lot, I figured I’d spread the love to someone else.
So, reblog to win! Prize will be the paperback, movie-cover version of John Dies At The End. Maybe I’ll throw in a snack, or something.
- You get three reblogs.*
- Likes don’t count.
- You are required to fill out the form below for your reblog to count. I realise this is a pain in the ass, but notes on Tumblr are wonky as well and I wouldn’t want to miss anybody’s entry.
- CLICK HERE FOR THE GIVEAWAY ENTRY FORM
- it only takes a second, i promise.
Winner will be chosen on Feb. 28th. Good luck!
*note: you can only submit an entry form once a day.
This story makes me sick.
From the article:
“An Army Veteran with disabilities is asking for the public’s help in saving his service dog, Dutch, from court-ordered euthanasia. After being punched, kicked, and hit with a metal pole for several minutes, Dutch bit his attacker and has now been accused of being a “vicious” dog.
Dutch is a 4-year-old American Allaunt, who is a registered service dog and an important part of Jeremy Aguilar’s life. Dutch has never shown any aggressive behavior before or after the incident and is a certified AKC Canine Good Citizen.”
Read the story for more details- if you can bear it- the dog is facing euthanasia because the woman who beat him is pressing charges against the family. Not only that, but the judge can also order the dog owner to a year in jail. She is allowed to press charges against this dog AFTER admitting that she beat the dog with a METAL POLE for several minutes.
I can’t even handle the absolute injustice of this case. I don’t know if the petition will actually do any good, but it can’t hurt. The petition is located here:
Please take a minute to go sign it, and reblog, please!
Wow, read up on this and sign if you can! Very sad : ( What a neat looking dog too
PLEASE SIGN and pass this around! They need to give up this sweet dog within a weeks time! GO PEOPLE OF TUMBLR, GO!!
I don’t like to comment on calls for signatures, generally speaking, but this an absolute travesty.